And there staring
back at him were the faces of two people he thought he could call
friends. One stabbing him in the back while the other in the heart
only caused a shortness of breath and a feeling of vertigo. The room
almost seemed to swirl before his very eyes as the world he once knew
seemed to come crashing down before him. His ex and one of his best
friends, kissing right in from of him, no shame whatsoever.
Upon seeing such an
incredulous sight, he knew there was nothing left for him in the
room. An open auditorium had never before seemed like such a small
room, enticing the feeling of being trapped in a closet. Having just
gotten the courage enough to be able to confront the world after such
a devastating experience left this boy at the edge of a cliff. If he
were to fall, there would be no going back. This was one fact that he
knew for certain. The life he knew was lost to this harlot who used
words to deal trust, only to set the cards to flame.
Friends, the people
he had known for years and could turn to for anything in the world if
he needed to. These friends that he had helped and been there for
just months prior, turned on him as if he had been a leper. No words
were said to alleviate such discomfort as knowing that everyone had
been betraying him. Instead of only one, having a group to play his
Judas. Life however would have to go on.
Unable to contain
himself any longer, he had to leave the auditorium. He could not
bring himself to remain in the same room as these people, that before
his very eyes deceived him. In a shroud of angst, he fled to leave
only to run into another friend that kept him mere moments longer,
but in this instance, that moment lingered an eternity. Words
exchange, though nothing kept his mind aside from what had previously
been witnessed, he ran. Once in the car, he was in a sort of
sanctuary, here nothing would be able to see his expose feelings he
knew all too well, tears, sadness, and anger.
All in one violent
fit of fury he smashed his arms over the steering wheel hoping to
find some peace in the pain that he was causing upon himself. This
pain however only added to the anger he felt that day. In his mind he
envisioned his world of the past three years before him, from times
of drunken nights to to times sitting and talking. Each of these
appeared before him as a colored portrait of his world, and then each
one set aflame. Trying to stay rational, he drove home, the whole
time trying to hold back the tears to almost no avail, but he made
it.
Again time had a
cruel sense of humor and made the drive seem to go on forever. In
this time, he was able to think about everything that had been
witnessed as well as to evaluate what had happened. All in a flash
had his world become such an incredible mess of topsy-turvy. He
allowed his mind to leave himself and upon arrival to the apartment,
all memory of the physical drive had vanished from his mind. And
unaware state that the drive had even happened.
Knowing that he
needed to say something he sent a message to his friend saying,
“Sorry for leaving in such a hurry, but a figured you would
understand.” And only an audible gulp was able to form when the
reply came back as such, “I get it, I'm sorry you had to find out
this way” What way was he speaking of? The fact that this friend
was unable to tell him that he was being betrayed by another friend.
The mistrust that he had been told to cast aside had become a sick
reality that he wanted so badly to refuse. To the utmost degree what
he had felt was depression.
The following days
passed almost like any other, work, home, sleep. He just fell right
back into the regular routine that he was so adjusted to, with one
slight difference, he no longer felt a thing. He felt cold as his
heart had been enclosed by a glacier of ice. Life was going on but he
was unable to experience it, he was just being pulled along. His
voice had been stripped from him as he felt openly naked without
being able to have those friends to talk to. Now he felt more alone
than he had ever felt, an empty void in his soul.
The passage of time
was able to grant some of his own self back to the boy as time once
again moved onwards. Still no one to talk to and feeling as if there
was nothing to grasp on to. Dreamed becoming his only sense of
imagination and even then more of a nightmare. Trying everything to
stop thinking about what he had seen, to repress such an image
brought him to the point of breaking, where he was only seeing it
while he slept. Tossing and turning throughout the night, while this
moment replayed over and over again inside of his brain.
The view from
across the room, knowing that he had been betrayed only to see them
kissing in front of everyone, and yet everyone thought he was the
asshole. That everything he had done was the lowest of the low. In
his mind the sight seemed almost surreal as his imagination warped
the moment to feel as if everyone was staring at him and laughing.
This created a sensation that everyone had know and kept it a secret
only to make him the clown. That he was the punchline to such an
elaborate joke.
Sweat was all he
could feel all over his body as he would wake up to the sound of the
alarm clock. The sound jolted him to sit up as he just sat there
letting the alarm ring out. Closing his eyes once again, his
breathing became rapid as the nightmare rushed back to his conscious
mind. Once again aware of what he had attempted to repress, he
realized one thing-he was finally alone. All in an instant,
everything had been lost and he was in a void of the world. Though
this had engulfed him, he had to carry on, that this situation could
not get the best of him. He still had a road before him and a much
greater journey to carry on.
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